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| via Wikimedia |
Most famous for it’s landmark victory in the “War on
Christmas” several years ago, when it demanded that stores return to saying
“Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays,” the Catholic Church’s Ministry
of Holidays stepped into the ring again on the issue of Black Friday.
The issue is limited to their United States Division, seeing
as the holiday is localized to the land the Pilgrims settled in. It arose from the news that stores like Wal-Mart and Macys are planning on being open on
Thanksgiving Day. Some stores are even planning on remaining open throughout
the night, putting excessive strain on their employees and manufacturing extra “sales
panic” in consumers.
The Ministry declared Black Friday a "Detrimental Fabrication," as well as demanding a cease and desist on this encroachment upon Thanksgiving. The methods used will be in forms of non-violent protest, via rallying church members to boycott or picket businesses that do not comply with the demands.
"The Ministry of Holidays doesn't like to throw its weight around that often," said Bishop Green of the Ministry's office in Boston. "But in this case, we're pulling out all the stops! We haven't declared a Detrimental Fabrication since back in 1372, over that whole, hiding eggs for Easter controversy. We didn't have much luck with that one. But, you win some, you lose some."
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