Quantum Mechanics Explains How Jobless Rate Has Both Increased and Decreased

Photo by Michael Raphael, via Wikimedia

In the early 20th century, Erwin Schrödinger developed theories to help explain the behavior of subatomic particles. These famously asserted that a particle could exist in two different and distinct states at exactly the same time. Economist and political analysts have recently discovered that a similar condition seems to exist with the unemployment rate in the United States.

“It’s a result of something we call the BPDBI, which manifests especially strong when you have a very polarized President in the White House,” said Sarah Sanchez, a chief political analyst at the New York Times. The BPDBI, which stands for the Bi-Partisan Douche-Baggery Index, is a mathematical theorem that causes the numbers to organize themselves exactly the way each party wants them to, depending on which one is analyzing them at any given time.

When presented in the context of each political party, abstract quantum mechanical computations cause the otherwise absolute values of each variable used to undergo radical shifts. Both parties use the same raw data (DOL unemployment rates, GPD, etc.), but the results from each side are distinctly different. This causes both the Republican and the Democratic Parties to have completely valid and fact-based arguments in their favor. Te result is that the confidence of each party’s supporters is increased and that party polarization and division is reinforced.

“It’s quite fascinating watching the feedback loop,” said Sanchez about the phenomenon. “The greater and greater the BPDBI, the more the jobless rate both increases and decreases. Every time. This is why the Democrats claim the unemployment rate is below 8% and the Republicans claim it’s over 22%. And they’re both right.”

Though not precisely a causal relationship, the increase in the BPDBI has a corollary relationship with the increase of another index tracked by political analysts. The SOII, or the Sick of Idiocy Index, is a number that usually only relates to those that have left both Parties, but in recent years has become more and more relevant to those still entrenched within the two party structure.