Obama is “Trans-Dimensional,” Right Wing Study Claims

Photo by Jonathan Pfeiffer, via Wikimedia

In an effort to once and for all prove whether or not President Obama was indeed born in the United States, an ultra-conservative group, Diligent, Bold Americans for GOP Success (DBAGS), executed a year-long program of hiring private investigators and researchers to verify the President’s documented past.

The result of the study both disappointed and alarmed the group.  It proved conclusively that Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii in 1961, as was confirmed by public records. It also discovered, however, that he was also born in A.D. 1023 in feudalistic Japan, 132,532 B.C. in Australia, and that he will also be born in A.D. 5,213 on a human colony located on a planet orbiting a star in the Cassiopeia constellation.

These are not all different “versions” of Barak Obama, either. These are all the same person, the researchers discovered, all manifestations being extensions of his true trans-dimensional form. He’s aware of what each is doing in real-time, similar to a person playing multiple video games all at the same time. 

“We’re not sure if we can use this information to get him impeached or not,” said Martha Stevens of DBAGS. “We believe we might be able to make a case that one requirement for being President of the United States is that you must be human. Clearly, Barak Obama is not.”

Some investigators analyzing the data theorize that President Obama may, in fact, exist in far more instances than what the researchers uncovered. He could also exist in several parallel universes. No one has yet to actually ask the President or White House staff about this, however.

“I’m pretty sure that in one of those parallel universes, he became President without having been born in this country. Whether human or trans-dimensional, that’s just the kind of dishonest person we know him to be. We hope that eventually the rest of America will come to their senses.”