David Bowie Reveals He is Actually Nikola Tesla

Photo by David-Shankbone, via Wikimedia

In a press conference last week, the well-kwown musician and actor told the world that he is, in fact, Nikola Tesla. At first those present at the event thought it was a joke, connected to his appearance in the film The Prestige, where he played the role of the scientist and inventor who is also somewhat of an American folk hero.

But as Mr. Bowie went into explanations of how he had developed a device that would "reboot" his DNA and restore his youth, plus how the process had caused slight changes to his appearance and the permanent dilation of his left eye, it became apparent this wasn't a mere stunt. He claims he kept the procedure a guarded secret because both his memory and the device were severely damaged during the incident and because most of his notes were destroyed in a fire in 1953.

"I adopted the British accent and often went with the androgynous look to help disguise my identity, but when I found out the Nolan brothers were doing a movie that would include me, I couldn't resist. Fortunately, nobody seemed too bothered by my resemblance to, well, myself."

Bowie claims that for most of the last century, when he wasn't busy with music or acting, he was re-investigating what he did remember from the procedure, trying to find out how he had pulled it off. He needed the wealth from both markets to help fund the the highly secretive research. He didn't want the world knowing what he had done until he could offer it to the masses.

"It's a horrible thing to be remembered primarily as someone who was harassed by Edison, who most of the time was a nice guy. Most of the time. Be even worse to be remembered as the man who unlocked immortality, then couldn't give it to anyone else."